Choose your horoscope....

So these are the horoscopes that are posted in a newspaper here in Rexburg called, The Voice. I thought I was going to die laughing when I read some of these just because it made me think of people in my family. I seriously laughed for about 5 minutes and I had tears streaming down my face. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

AQUARIUS
Due to your bed wetting, buying those plastic sheets was a great investment. Now only if they sold plastic lined pants.

PISCES
A good test of a mans ambition is if his alarm clock is his best friend or his worst enemy. But being BFF is going a little too far.

ARIES
Anohter semester is gone; another three months you're not getting back

TAURUS
Don't worry, dandruff is back in style.

GEMINI
Stop putting words in other peoples mouths. I don't think they appreciate having novel pages shoved in their mouth.

CANCER
Have you ever wiped so hard that you've seen red dots on the toilet paper?.... Yea... me neither!

LEO
You'll run into an old fling this week; that booger you flung on the wall

VIRGO
You're thinking about getting that BYU-I sticker for your car, but you're worried it'll distract from the RULDS2 sticker.

LIBRA
Don't worry, you're going to get terrible grades.

SCORPIO
You will find a chicken McNugget shaped like your heart this week. It too will be chewed up and spit out.

SAGITTARIUS
Working out is more effective when you actually lift weights in the gym, instead of walking around looking for people you know.

CAPRICORN
The unsolicited advice you give to the construction workers will end up with you getting a nail gun to the head.